


If I Could Turn Back Time (I'd Stab Thanos For You)

by Blizzard_Fire



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Domestic Avengers, Everybody Lives, Gen, Humor, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Precious Peter Parker, Screw You Marvel, Thanos (Marvel) Dies, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24308206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blizzard_Fire/pseuds/Blizzard_Fire
Summary: When Loki steals the time stone, Peter is dragged along for the ride. A glimpse into the future reveals Thanos' terrible deeds... it's up to them to fix the timeline. Loki's got some stabbing to do.
Relationships: Loki & Peter Parker
Comments: 15
Kudos: 371
Collections: Favorite fics, Marvel Fandom Scramble 2020





	If I Could Turn Back Time (I'd Stab Thanos For You)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Marvel Fandom Scramble 2020. My prompt was Peter Parker, Loki and time travel au.
> 
> Fair warning, this is basically a huge fuck-you to Endgame. I like how these two play off each other.

Peter’s spider sense twinged so badly that he jolted awake and fell out of bed.

He lay still, listening intently. From downstairs came the sound of chatter and clattering plates. No screaming. The bedroom was intact, and there were no alien brains splattered on the window. All these things were reassuring.

But his spider sense had never been wrong yet; something bad was about to happen. So he dug his Spider-Man gear out of his bag, got dressed and ventured out, mask in hand.

At the top of the stairs, he nearly tripped over a laughing raccoon. ‘Outta the way, spider-kid!’ Rocket shouted, dodging around his legs. A metal arm was slung over his shoulder.

Still confused, Peter looked to see who he was running from – and promptly leapt clear as Bucky barrelled past, minus his left arm.

Peter counted to ten, and when he was sure the coast was clear he continued downstairs.

The New Avengers Facility was pretty crowded these days. Peter visited whenever he could find the time between schoolwork and exams, and each time he returned there was someone new. Just when he’d thought it couldn’t get weirder, an actual _spaceship_ had landed in the grounds. Inside it was Thor (minus an eye and most of his hair), Loki, Bruce Banner, _more_ aliens… and the entire population of Asgard. Two weeks later, Tony was still figuring out where to put them all, but for now the citizens were content to live on the ship.

Peter wandered through the living room. There was no sign of immediate danger, unless you counted Natasha and Valkyrie arm-wrestling for the last piece of bacon, or Steve desperately assuring a tearful Groot that the lettuce in his salad was not sentient. Everything seemed as hazardous as usual. Was it possible that he was just sensing the impending doom of next week’s calculus exam?

Then he felt it: a sharp prickling on the back of his neck. Slowly, he turned back towards the stairs. Tony had flippantly claimed it was only a matter of time before they started fighting each other. Perhaps he was right.

Peter hurried back upstairs and peeked out onto the landing.

He was just in time to see the bathroom door open. Loki stepped out in a cloud of steam with a telling smirk on his face. He slammed the door. A corner of red fabric flapped feebly after him.

Peter fell into step beside him. ‘Hey, whatcha up to?’

Loki didn’t break his stride. ‘Currently, I am minding my own business.’

‘Are you sure? Because I just saw you put something in your pocket.’

Loki didn’t protest as Peter followed him into his room. It was still sparse, but over the last two weeks Loki had made it his own; the walls were painted green and silver and decorated with knives. He recognised one of Tony’s missing kitchen knives in pride of place above the window.

‘Fine, if you’re so curious.’ Loki pulled his hand from his pocket. It was an amulet in the shape of an eye, and it glowed green as it dangled from its string.

‘Hey, isn’t that the Eye of, uh, Quasimodo or whatever? The time stone?’

Loki gave him a withering look. ‘I did not deign to learn the trinket’s name.’

‘You stole it from – wait.’ He looked nervously towards the bathroom. ‘Where’s Doctor Strange? You didn’t…’

‘He is unharmed.’ Loki shrugged. ‘Still in the shower. Singing Britney Spears songs in an endless time loop. Over and over again. For eternity.’

Peter shuddered. ‘You’re a monster. What are you going to do with the Eye?’

‘Whatever I wish.’ There was a nasty glint in his eyes. ‘Perhaps I shall unravel your very existence. Or learn the hidden secrets of the cosmos. Become a master of time and rule the universe from a throne of chaos.’ He looked thoughtful. ‘Or perhaps I will eat the pop-tarts Thor ate yesterday. Just to piss him off.’

Lightning-fast, Peter webbed the amulet and yanked it out of his hand. ‘Nice try. But I like things the way they are.’

Loki rolled his eyes. ‘Do you realise just how bored I am? Everyone’s too _nice_ here. It’s sickening. If I have to sit through one more re-run of _Friends_ I will hurt someone. Permanently.’

Peter folded his arms. ‘Mister Stark’s right, you _are_ a Chandler.’

Loki glared at him, then reached into his pocket again.

Peter’s spider sense was still prickling, and too late he realised that he’d fallen for an illusion. His own hand closed on empty air. ‘No!’ He threw out a web as Loki cackled… and the world disappeared around them.

When Peter opened his eyes, they were standing in Doctor Strange’s mansion. Several of the Avengers stood around, and none of them looked happy. No one reacted to their sudden appearance, so he assumed Loki had cast an invisibility spell around them.

‘Tell me his name again,’ said Tony.

Bruce was pacing up and down, looking agitated. ‘Thanos. He’s a plague, he invades planets, he takes what he wants, he wipes out half the population. He sent Loki. The attack on New York in 2012? That was him.’

This had to be the future, Peter realised. Everyone looked exactly the same; this could only be a few months away.

‘Thanos already has the power and space stones. That already makes him the strongest creature in the universe. If he gets all six…’

Loki yawned beside him. ‘Dull.’

‘This stuff sounds pretty serious,’ Peter whispered. ‘Maybe we should check out the future, just to make sure everyone’s okay?’

‘Everyone is _always_ okay. I thought you were against this whole idea?’

Peter dithered. _Back to the Future_ had taught him just how dangerous it was to mess with time… but he was worried. And also secretly thrilled because _time travel._ ‘Okay, one trip,’ he said finally. ‘One trip just to see, and we can’t change anything.’

‘You have no sense of fun,’ Loki grumbled. ‘Alright. One trip… five years into the future. Would that satisfy you?’

They were supposed to have flying cars by then. Peter struggled to contain his excitement. ‘Five years, okay.’ He clutched Loki’s arm as their surroundings disappeared again. ‘How bad could the future be?’

It turned out that the future could be very bad indeed. The timeline jumped around them, and they watched Thanos wipe out half the universe, Peter included. They saw the original six Avengers come out of retirement to organise a time heist to recover the infinity stones.

And they watched the final battle where Tony Stark gave his life to save everyone.

Finally, they stood alone in stunned silence, long after everyone had gone.

‘Did you see that?’ said Peter in a small voice.

Loki folded his arms. ‘Yes, I’ve been standing here for hours, right next to you. We just watched everything happen.’

‘And this is all real?’ he whispered. ‘Mister Stark dies? In the future?’

‘Never mind Stark, _I_ die!’ Loki wheeled round. ‘I worked for that stupid blue oaf and _this_ is how he repays me?’

He hid his head in his hands. ‘Natasha, Vision, Gamora… So many people died…’ 

‘I didn’t even die in a memorable way. Cast into an abyss? Of course not- he just broke my neck! The man has no sense of style.’

‘None of this makes sense. Hawkeye went on a killing spree for no real reason, Captain America abandoned everyone to go live in the forties again – I mean, wouldn’t that cause a paradox in itself?’

‘And did you see Thor?’ Loki shuddered. ‘He was wearing _crocs_. My death must have truly broken him.’

‘And what the heck was going on with Doctor Banner? Who just decides they want to be big and green forever? I bet he never finds shoes that fit him.’

'I can't believe I'm saying this but I think I preferred him as the Hulk.'

Peter paced up and down, running his hands through his hair. ‘How could Doctor Strange claim there was only _one_ solution where we won? Everyone knows there are _infinite parallel universes!_ This whole thing makes no sense!’

Loki looked quite calm as he surveyed the wasteland. ‘I agree.’

‘And another thing – Thanos’ plan is to wipe out half of all life in the universe, right? But everyone got un-Snapped everyone five years later. So what about all the people who were in planes when they got Snapped, did they reappear and fall to their deaths? What about pregnant people, or people in submarines? What about gut bacteria, did he wipe half of that out too? _Why did Thanos even think this idea would work?’_

Loki took a step back. ‘Do you need me to slap you? Because I will slap you. For your own good.’

Peter sat down on a large rock. 'What do we _do?_ We can't just go back and pretend everything's normal - we - ' His eyes lit up. 'We have to stop this. Loki, we can _stop_ this. All of it.'

With a smirk, Loki dangled the amulet in front of his face. ‘Oh, I don’t know. What about your precious rules of time?’

Peter gave him a withering look.

‘Of course we’re going to stop this. No one gets to make my brother miserable except for me.’

‘You can just say you love him, you know.’

‘Be quiet. And hold onto me.’

Time warped around them again and they left the battlefield behind.

Finding Thanos turned out to be surprisingly easy. Loki had indirectly acquired the Tesseract from him, so the timeline deposited them right inside his throne room. Conveniently, it was night-time. Even more conveniently, Thanos was slumped on his throne and snoring loud enough to wake the dead.

'I don't know if I can do this,' Peter whispered.

Loki scoffed. 'You will not do anything. I will earn the glory of saving the universe.'

He winced. 'By stabbing the guy in his sleep?'

Loki glared at him. ‘I can wake him up if you prefer? Stop complaining.’

Peter remembered all that he'd seen. So much suffering and loss and misery, all caused by one man. The world wasn't ready to lose Tony Stark.

Loki produced a dagger. 'Look away, spider child.'

Peter turned his back. 'But I thought this wasn’t supposed to work... what was it Doctor Banner said? “The present becomes your past and the future becomes” – oh _god!'_

There was a very wet squelching sound and the snoring abruptly stopped. 'I don't give a damn what that green oaf said,' said Loki, as calmly as if they were discussing the weather. There was another stabbing sound, and another. 'Just being thorough.'

'For Mister Stark,' he quietly, as Loki returned to stand beside him.

Loki met his eyes, then squeezed his shoulder. ‘For Thor’s crocs,’ he said solemnly.

‘We just stopped the guy who wiped out half the universe.’ He sighed. ‘I haven’t even had breakfast yet. Can we go back now?’

The amulet flashed in Loki’s hand and then they were moving again, but it seemed to take longer than before. Lights flashed around them and Peter had the sense that they were moving along Loki’s timeline, but they were going too far.

Now, they stood in a tall, circular room lined with pillars. Two dark elves stood outlined against a golden city, and one of them had his arm around the neck of a regally-dressed woman.

'Where is the Ether?' Malekith demanded.

Queen Frigga held her head high, fearless. 'I'll never tell you.'

He stared at her for a long moment, then inclined his head. 'I believe you.'

A sword flashed in the gloom. But before it could find its mark, it was webbed and tossed into the air. The henchman whirled around, dropping Frigga. Peter flipped out of the way, webbed him up and tossed him over the balcony. He turned back to see Malekith gurgling on the floor with a dagger in his back.

Frigga stood up, breathing hard. 'Loki?' Her eyes flicked to Peter. 'Who is this?'

Peter felt the tingling of another illusion spell. They both now bore the appearance of guards. 'I was never here,' said Loki.

As they headed for the exit, Thor strode in. 'What happened? Is anyone hurt?'

'Just you,' said Loki, sticking a dagger in his gut as they passed.

'Dude what the hell, he's your brother!’ Peter protested as the world dissolved again in swirling colours. ‘You love each other!'

'And this is my way of showing affection.' Loki wiped the bloody dagger on his sleeve.

'Yeah, and mine is like watching _Star Wars_ with someone.'

‘Personally, I think stabbing is kinder. Now, be quiet. I’m concentrating.’

They flew faster this time, lights flashing around them. Until they touched down on a metal floor that vibrated with the sound of engines. They were standing in a vast cargo hold, and through the slatted windows Peter saw that they were travelling through the clouds. ‘No way. Is this the _Helicarrier?_ Are we in 2012? Oh my gosh I've seen all the security footage and everything, this is such an important year.'

Loki looked uncomfortable. ‘I was… going through a phase. This was not my proudest moment.’

Peter just stood and breathed in the smell of history. It smelled a lot like dust and burning fuel. He coughed. ‘I did a project about this at school. Watched all the footage and everything. Hey, do you wanna know something interesting?’

Loki stared back, casually tossing a dagger in his hand. ‘As long as it is _brief_ and interesting.’

‘Hulk’s pants change colour! On the security footage, Doctor Banner’s definitely wearing beige pants. Then he turns into the Hulk and they turn purple! It’s so weird. I have a theory about the radiation from Hulk affecting the clothes dye – ‘

'Spider.'

'What?'

'I do not care.'

'Oh. Okay.'

‘Would you like to go and question the beast about his fashion choices or are you ready to leave now?’

Peter hesitated. ‘You got to change something. So… can I change something?’

‘Why should I care? Change whatever you wish. Especially if it involves stabbing someone,’ he added, somewhat hopefully.

Peter shook his head. ‘Actually, it involves the opposite.’

Agent Coulson's eyes went wide as the dagger went into his back.

'NOO!' Thor hammered on the glass of the Hulk cage but it would not give, and he was powerless to watch as he crumpled to the floor.

Whilst 2012 Loki gloated to Thor about the hopelessness of the human race, the present-day Loki sighed. ‘Fooled by my own magic. I didn’t think it would be this easy. Why save this one? He’s boring.’

Whilst the illusion of Coulson slumped against the wall, the real Coulson struggled feebly against Peter's web bonds as Peter dragged him into the corner. 'Are you kidding? Agent Coulson is awesome! They made a comic book series out of him where he's Captain America's sidekick!'

Coulson stopped struggling and his eyes went wide. Peter awkwardly patted him on the shoulder. 'Sorry, I'm not sure they'll still exist after the timeline change. But hey, you're alive! Just uh, stay here a little longer? I think your death was important here. Keep quiet for a few hours, it’ll be fine.'

Loki sighed and gestured to his still-gloating younger self. 'Coulson is supposed to shoot me with that power gun around about now.'

'Ooh, can I do it? What button do I press?' Peter hefted it over his shoulder.

The gun fired a huge bolt of energy and blasted 2012 Loki through the wall.

‘I suppose I deserved that,’ said Loki eventually.

'Not gonna lie, you were kind of a dick back then.'

'We all have our embarrassing pasts.'

'Yeah, most peoples' don't involve _actual murder._ Can you get us back this time?’

Loki just glared at him and took out the amulet. ‘It’s as if the jewel is fighting back. But I think I can, yes.’

Peter crossed his fingers as they took off… 

And then they were standing in Loki’s room again, just in time to see the back of their heads vanish.

‘Did it work? Did we change anything?’ Peter looked around but everything seemed the same. Before Loki could protest, he swiped the amulet from his hand. ‘Just so you don’t get any ideas.’

As they stepped out onto the landing, Doctor Strange burst out of the bathroom. His red cape was curled around him like a toga and shampoo dripped from his hair. 'Did you guys have fun?' he said with a voice like ice.

'Very much,' said Loki. 'Such power, yet you prefer your cheap conjuring tricks.’

Strange turned his glare to Peter. 'You have the Eye of Agamotto.'

'Oh yeah, _that's_ what it's called!' he said, holding it out. 'Uh for the record, this wasn’t my idea. I just got pulled along for the ride.'

He took it, still not breaking eye contact. 'Did you change anything?'

‘No, of course not! We just – uh – ‘

Loki stepped in front of him. ‘I have only one thing to say to you, wizard.’ He held up a single finger. ‘One. Out of fourteen million, six hundred and five. And what I have to say is: sod off.’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ he said coldly.

‘Good. Now why don’t you run along and finish your solo? You have a wonderful voice. Come along, spider.’

Strange looked as confused as Peter was as he was dragged. ‘So does this make us friends?’ he asked hesitantly.

Loki rolled his eyes. ‘Don’t push it.’

As they walked downstairs, Peter remembered he was famished. 'I just realised,' he said quietly. 'we were away for like what, two hours? Now I'm two hours older than I should be. Technically my birthday is now two hours later...’

'How _does_ Stark put up with you all day?' said Loki dryly. At Peter's hurt look, he added, 'It merely makes your birthday last three hours longer. I do not see why this bothers you.'

‘Well, this was fun. If you ever want to hang out sometime, and… _not_ stab people…’

‘Perhaps I will watch _Star Wars_ with you. _One_ of them. Not all.’

The kitchen had been crowded before, but now it was even busier. People bustled around with plastic plates piled with food.

Thor frowned when he saw them. ‘Brother, are you well?’

'Of course I am,' Loki folded his arms. 'Why do you ask?'

'Because when you walked in, you actually looked happy to see me.'

Loki shot him a filthy look.

'And erm, you didn't stab me. Which - which makes a nice change! Please do not feel you must keep up the streak.'

Peter struggled to hide a grin as he wandered off in search of breakfast. The kitchen was empty. On the table, there was a cake decorated to look like Captain America’s shield.

‘If you touch that frosting I’m filling your web shooters with silly string.’

Peter jumped. Tony stood by the fridge with a box of candles in his hand, eyeing him suspiciously. Solid, alive. Real.

Peter stared at him, a sudden lump in his throat. ‘Of course not, I – wait, did you _make a cake?_ What’s going on here?’

‘You haven’t actually forgotten, have you? You should lay off the studying. Bad for your brain. What’s with the outfit, you off saving the neighbourhood?’

Peter forgot he was still wearing the spider suit. ‘Weird day. I just… _don’t feel so good_ lately.’

He didn’t react, too busy arranging candles. ‘Fine, I’ll eat your slice.’

‘I don’t understand. Is it someone’s birthday or someth – ‘ Peter looked up. Agent Coulson was watching them from the living room, plate in hand. When Peter waved hesitantly, he winked.

He was still staring when Tony prodded him. ‘Sure you’re okay?’

Peter concentrated for a moment. His spider sense lay dormant once again. ‘Yeah, I’m great. Just… lost track of time.’

There was a distinctive stabbing sound from the other end of the room, followed by an exasperated, ‘Brother, _why?’_ from Thor.

The universe was as safe as it could get with these guys around. Peter smiled. All was well.


End file.
